Secret transatlantic call.

(Interesting exchange between two concerned parties. As always content and veracity cannot be fully verified)

UK ring tone repeating several times.

Female Voice: (cheerful) Good afternoon. MCR…err sorry…Duff and Phelps how may I direct your call?

American Male: Can I speak to Mr Clark or Mr Whitehouse please?

Female: Of course…whom should I say is calling?

Male: Marty Bauer from the New York office.

Female: I’ll just connect you.
(Long period of piped music to the tune of “If I were a rich man from Fiddler on the Roof”. After several minutes she returns.)

Female: Neither Mr Clark nor Mr Whitehouse are in the office at the minute…but they did say that you should speak to that plonker Mr Grier.

Male: Yeah right. Put me through.

Grier: (Voice identified from BBC tape) Good afternoon David here how can I help you?

Male: Bauer here Grier from New York I’m concerned about this British Broadcasting Corporation’s expose that doesn’t appear to reflect very well on you guys and D&P…what’s going on?

Grier: What expose? I thought I had squashed that one…oh you mean the BBC one the other night? (laughs…not convincingly) That’s nothing…it was all a misunderstanding…nothing to worry about (nervous chortle) after all we have the country on our side here. Rangers is a much loved and highly respected institution. Even the country’s First Minister, that’s the same as your President, said they were part of the fabric of Scottish society. So how’s the weather in New York?

Male: Oh OK that’s alright then nothing to be worried about?

Grier: Yes, yes nothing to be worried about. Right I’d better go now. Lots to do…

Male: (interrupts angrily) Do you think I’m some kind of idiot Grier. Do you know who I am? Do you even know where New York is?

Grier: Of course I know who you are Marty err…(clicking noises of a keyboard) yes, yes you’re MD of the New York office and I see you are a GE Sigma Six Black Belt…wow that is impressive what is that – is it a karate thing? I did karate at school you know…

Male: GE Sigma Six black belt is a training accreditation…anyway enough of this shit Grier…stop smoking me! You are in the poop and that means we over here are in the poop. Who the heck are Rangers anyway? I’ve done some research and they don’t have any history at all. In fact they don’t seemed to be recognized by the European Soccer Association. So who are they and where is Ibrox is that like in the Bronx here?

Grier: Rangers are…or were…or might be still a football club that was…still is…might be…the biggest in Scotland. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of them Marty…mind you they haven’t wrecked New York yet so I guess you wouldn’t.
Ibrox is Ibrox a kind of ghost town. Like a gold mining town that’s dried up and everyone has left.

Male: So they are a football club not a soccer club…what minor league do they play in because they’re not an NFL team?

Grier: No they are a soccer team not a football team…and they play in the third Division in Scotland….

Male: Third Division? Is that like High School soccer with all the Soccer Mums and kids a sort of kids club?

Grier: No its for adults and grown ups and the socially challenged…a sort of institution for the deluded. The place used to be a mecca for the good and the great of…

Male: Woe buddy…Mecca? We don’t want to get into that Islamist stuff here Grier…we’ve got laws in the US that prevent us from doing business in Iran.

Grier: No not Mecca…mecca it’s a phrase meaning the centre…never mind. I can assure you according to what I know they are not dealing with the Iranians Marty.

Male: So how we gonna get out of this mess Grier? This seems serious to me…I might have to come over and talk to the folks at the BBC…they need to know that we mean business and wont be libelled like this. You didn’t really try to cover up that sweet deal did you?

Grier: Eh…no not really I just wanted someone else to take the fall…just good business practise…after all we made a lot of money from the fools.

Male: Like Whyte?

Grier: Good God no…the creditors!!!

Male: Yeah right on…

Tape ends.

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