Skip back to main navigation
The wee Niaff. by The Rebel.
There was a term used when I was growing up for a person that got under everybody’s skin, that person was called ‘a wee Niaff’.
The term was used to warn of the wee Niaffs approach and it was used by concerned folk, friends and family members, who had managed to suss the wee Niaffs character out, whilst managing to keep his ‘the Niaffs’ approach at safe distance, it was a skill passed down by astute people watchers the worldly wise usually from within one’s own family.
The wee Niaff try though he may, could never get inside the defensive shield of those taught his tricky little ways.
Others, mostly previous victims of Niaffness, learned his ways too but usually too late to protect themselves against his patter. The Niaff is best described as a person considered an absolute pest or serious irritation, a scourge.
The term ‘The Niaff’ was also used to describe someone as a deliberate instigator, you know the one, he that caused, created most trouble or hassle then slunk back into a dark corner, silently, cowardly, sneakily and sly.
‘I bet your already thinking of a most prominent one in your life, I bet even one skulking around at present’.
Easy isn’t it.
You see everybody knew one or now knows one and nobody likes him.
The Niaff it’s said, has a persona that only a Mother could love.
Men being adversarial by nature can be sucked into his sinister and twisted wee world, but are usually more guarded against the twisted tongue, you see.
The Niaff works hard and relentlessly to crack that tightly secured wee nut.
In my household we were always taught to beware of the Niaff, for the amount of trouble the Niaff could reek could devastate a whole family even a community. I am sure we all remember being told not to hang around with that special person, I am sure we all wondered why, unaware we were in fact being protected from the clutches of Niaffness.
We were being taught to use our common sense.
The Niaffs careless and carefree attitude, his cutting words, words fired out like poison tipped darts aimed with complete disregard for people in general, made the Niaff not only a narcissistic specialist, but also thoroughly disliked and most dangerous to consider a friend.
You may have thought at first that you where a friend, but ultimately found out that he, ‘The Niaff’ is his own best friend.
Having seen the Niaff operate many many times in life, I can safely say that most victims of Niaffness find out far too late to prevent his intrusion. It’s too late once you have been Niaffed for the wee Niaff never let’s go. He worms his way into your confidence and destroys your credibility, your confidence and your self esteem. The wee Niaff takes control.
‘Shhhhhh, shhhh guys.. fuck sake, here’s the wee Niaff’s coming!!’ was a most common call.
It was like a dive alert on a nuclear submarine for those of us that knew better, all talk would stop until he skulked off elsewhere for easier pickings. The Niaff alert worked.
Over the years I have managed to weed the wee Niaff types out of my life at first spot, it’s easy to tell them from any other person.
The Niaff will have a certain look about them, a cheeky sort of look, smarmy in action and busy promoting his own ideas over everyone else’s.
The wee Niaff is full of self importance and can often be found licking his own eyebrows in adoration of a mirror or camera or other such stage, the wee Niaff can talk the hind legs off a donkey given half a chance and no serious challenge. The wee Niaff is a master manipulator.
The Niaff can often be found whispering away to a selected ear making sure all and sundry are aware he is doing it, boldly making the victim of his chat feel awkward whilst leaving them in no doubt he is speaking about them, and not in a good way either.
He is Niaffing them and they don’t even know it, he’s a total pro.
The wee Niaff often finds his way in the employment world in fields where he can offer his opinion without redress, a position where he can sculpt other folks opinions to the detriment usually of fair minded folk. The mass Niaff attempt is a favourite, the more ears the more victims of his success.
The Media, solicitor, interviewer, management, politics, the salesman and the like, are favoured fields for the Niaff.
The wee Niaff usually does quite well in work, for nobody really wishes to challenge him for fear he turns his poisoned tongue and thoughts in their direction. He’s seen as a necessary evil, he conditions folk that way with his Niaff skills.
The wee Niaff is aware he is a Niaff, he loves it.
He get’s an immense high pulling off a successful mission of verbal destruction against a target, the larger the target the better. The Niaff see’s himself above all others, the wee Niaff believes he is a law unto himself, he has no shame.
Everyday you the reader venture out, or turn on your radio or switch on your television you are wide open to being Naiffed.
Remember always to be aware of Niaffness, remember the wee Niaff is searching for you, remember he is only an earshot from the earshot near you, remember once you are Niaffed, your completely fcuked.
Remember, the wee Niaff has no control if you refuse to listen to his bullshit.
Stay de-Niaffed, stay sane.. right time for a coffee..